D​.​A​.​F​.​A. (Dirty Aquatic Folksongs Anonymous)

by Anonymous

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released June 19, 2008



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Track Name: Dust
Well dust it's in my penis
And I can't seem to get it out
Whenever I pee it just really hurts
And I am in a lot of pain

Dust, dust, dust, dust in my penis

Well I went to the doctor yesterday
And they told me that I had dust in my penis
And I can't seem to get it out
So I guess that I'm screwed

Dust in my penis again
There's dust in my urethra again
(How did this happen?)

Well, it was probably when I took those tweezers
Emptied a bag of dust into my penis the other day
(Why did you do that?)
I regret it, it was probably a bad decision
(Were you on drugs?)
No I wasn't
(Were you insane?)
(Were you... I... I still can't understand why you did that)
I can't either and that's why

I'll tell you today
Don't ever open your penis with tweezers
And empty a bag of dust into your urethra
It stings really bad
Track Name: Dinky the Hedgehog
(Now this here is a song about a very special hedgehog
A hedgehog by the name of... Dinky
And I saw Dinky... I bought her on a farm
Now Dinky's here in the studio today
And she's gonna sing a little song for us
You ready to sing one Dinky?
Yeah, sing it!)

[*indescribable hedgehog vocals*]

That was good, Jethro...
(Thank you Dinky!)
Track Name: Pocket in My Pocket
I got a pocket in my pocket and it doesn't make sense
I got a pocket in my pocket and it doesn't make sense
But I roll
I roll
I roll like a hedgehog down the hills
Track Name: I've Been in Brooklyn Too Long
Well, I've been in Brooklyn too long
My ears have turned into thongs (into thongs!)
And my nose is made of plumbers' vagina
And my milk is sour
More sour that a big fat... cat
Fancy that
A big fat cat

Well down in Brooklyn I hear... (yeah, what do you hear boy?)
They got the bad milk
(They got the bad milk, mmm
Ain't no good, taste like animé)
Bad animé (bad animé)

Well down in Brooklyn I bought the milk (bought some milk)
It wasn't very good
(Not very good milk in Brooklyn)
You know...
(Not very good milk in Brooklyn)

Well I... I had to throw up
Track Name: Naruto the Lamp
(This one's about a whale... no!
This is a song about... lamps!)

Well down in Konoha Village there lives a lamp
Who wants to be the next Hokage
And his name is Naruto
(Oooh Naurto the Lamp, he's a scamp
Naruto the Lamp, Naruto the Lamp)

And I tell you - Naruto, he's a good lamp
He knows his ninjutsu - his genjutsu
He knows his ninja things...
(Ninja things, he'll chop you with his big... hand)

Naruto the Lamp
(What a scamp, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto the Lamp!)

(Well, I saw Naruto the Lamp and he was....
I guess he was shinin' a light... it was dark
Naruto, oh Naruto (shh!) Naruto the Lamp
(Naruto, Naruto the Lamp)

Well... down in Konoha Village
Naruto's got lots of friends
Like Sasuke the Lamp...
Neji the Lamp...
Kakashi the Lamp...
(And a thousand other lamps!)
Itachi the Lamp...
Ah, what was that other one's name...
Vegeta the Lamp...
(My hand's gettin tired!)
The point is... Naruto...
Is one of them ol' boys

Naruto! (Naruto the Lamp, what a scamp, Naruto the Lamp!
What a scamp, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto the Lamp!)
Track Name: A Big Bag of Toast Wedged in My Asshole
There's a big bag of toast wedged in my asshole
How did this toast become wedged in my asshole?
(How did it happen?) I don't know

I don't know (it's a mystery)

Mmm... mystery
Mmm... Mr. Ed
Mmm... Mister... Mister... come in

(Oh please help me get this... bag of toast...)
Out of my asshole today
Not tomorrow (right now)
I need this toast (it's rather uncomfortable)
Out of my asshole today (up in my anus)

When you got the toast inside your asshole
It's... not good (no)
There's a lot of crumbs in there
And every time I move my legs
It crushes the toast and the crumbs come out
Of my asshole

Drippin' down
Down my thigh
Drippin' down (down...)
Down my thigh
The toast, the crumbs, my asshole

Why did I shove this bag of toast into my asshole?
Track Name: I Shit on Your Face (at a Gnome Revival)
I shit on your face I shit on your face I shit on your face
(Whose face did you shit on?) On yours!
Your face is not... clean anymore
Because I shit on your face
(All the shit is on my face, why don't you wipe it
Take it away, please!)

You're a shitfaced boy (I don't like this shit)
You're a shitfaced boy (I don't like this shit on my face)
With the shit on your face... on your face (it's a real downer)

Well lemme tell ya...
It's not so good to have shit on your face (then why'd you do it?)
No one likes you when you have shit on your face
They say that's disgusting
They say go back home
What am I gonna do? Gnomes!

Gnomes... (Well when you got shit on your face...)
Gnome revival, gnome revival...
With shit on your face at a gnome revival (is the place)
Gnome revival place
Shit on my face at a gnome revival
(I wish I was a gnome)
Track Name: Sack of Toenails
Track Name: Television
I watched television today
It was very good, hooray
(I watched my favorite show, it was a funny show)
I watched television today

I watched television today
I watched television today
Track Name: Apes Whackin' Off (in the Bayou)
Apes, apes, apes, apes, apes
I've got apes (galore!)
The Lord's got apes in his ball... sack

(Down in the bayou!) There's a lotta apes
There's a lotta apes
There's a lotta apes
There's a lotta apes down in that bayou
There's a lotta apes (there's a lotta apes)
There's a lotta apes (there's a lotta apes)
There's a lotta apes (down in that bayou!)

Well I was sittin' on my porch the other day (masturbatin')
When I saw some apes (when I saw some apes)
Sittin' there in the bayou
Whackin' themselves off just like me
And I said, "Apes come up here
(Whack yourselves off next to me now!) On my face please."

I got some apes whackin' off there with me (apes whackin' off)
In my face, semen (apes whackin' off in the bayou)
I got ape semen on my face

You look pretty funny with ape semen on your face, boy
(I tell ya there ain't nothin' like it!)
Mhmm... ape semen...

Ape semen on your face now
Track Name: Prolapsed Anus Blues
Well a prolapsed anus is better than a kick in the nuts
Well I tell ya now a prolapsed anus ain't worth the shuts

I have a prolapsed anus
It... wasn't fun (no sir)
No sir
But you know, if there's one thing you can turn to
It's a prolapsed anus
(And it'll have your back, have your butt, have your big ol'...
Prolapsed anus)
And they run down your pant leg
(Runnin' down, miles around
Prolapsed anus, runnin' down like a ropey string
Gone to the ground
Goin' into outer space that prolapsed anus is on your face
It just makes a big ol'... disgrace)

(Prolapsed anus, prolapsed anus, prolapsed anus blues)

Well, you know now the times have changed
(Yeah, it's not so good to have a prolapsed anus in 2015, is it?
The cops come and they say,
"Where'd you get that prolapsed anus?"
And they drag you off to jail
For havin' a prolapsed anus that's too big
You don't got no license
You ain't got no... no registration for your prolapsed anus
They drag you away, make you suck cocks all day)
It's a real shame
(It's a cryin'... shame)

But you know, in the end you got your prolapsed anus
Track Name: Life Can Be Difficult
Living is hard
Living is not easy
Living can be difficult
Living is not always easy
Living is hard
Living is not easy
Living can be difficult
Life is not always easy
Living is difficult
Living is not so easy

(Let us know how hard life is in your solo)

Living is hard
Living is not so easy
My life is not easy
All of the time, but it's life
That's the way that life goes
Because life is not always easy
Track Name: Helicopter Sphincter
Help me Father
Help me Daddy
My sphincter is a helicopter
(Oh please help me I can't use the toilet)
Except from great heights
Onto the homes of millions of people
Who look, who say "that's a helicopter!"
Not knowing it's actually a sphincter

That releases all of my shit
Onto their unsuspecting (faces)
They scream
Oh how they scream
(I think I would too if I had shit on my face)
Helicopter sphincter ooooh
Helicopter sphincter ooooh oooh etc.

Now why do I have this helicopter sphincter
That stretches into the sky?
I'll never know why because I am literally incapable
Of understanding such a thing
Because my brain has also been torn up in shreds
And thrown into the sky
And turned into a helicopter
Which is next to the helicopter sphincter
Which is similar to the helicopter sphincter
In fact the helicopter sphincter has sucked it up inside of itself
And now it's... gone
It's gone

Now my helicopter sphincter is similar in many ways to a black hole (black hole, black hole, black hole, black hole)

In this manner of speaking that I am saying is that the sphincter can sometimes reverse itself and begin to suck in everything within a million-mile radius meaning that the entire Earth and all the universe and all its creatures have been sucked up into my helicopter sphincter!
(It's a damn shame)

But... it's not so bad (no)
Because I got... you, my love
No wait, no, you got sucked into the helicopter sphincter also...
Track Name: Gregory the Porpoise
Gregory he's a porpoise
But he's not right in the head
'Cuz I shot him... dead

(Oh Gregory the Porpoise is dead)
Track Name: Blow
Guns are bad they're not to be had
By youngins who've had too much... blow
Youngins who've smoked too much blow

When I was young I smoked too much blow
And I shot my family dead
They're dead
I buried 'em
And I shit on their graves
And I smoked... some more blow
On their graves

That's why I'm tellin' ya don't do what I have done
Don't smoke blow (or whatever you do with blow)
And don't kill your family
And don't shit on their graves
It's bad luck

Although to be completely honest
I've had a really good life since that time
Because I got off scot-free and now I'm a billionaire motherfucker
Living in a big mansion
With lots of money and lots of good-lookin' women
And I feel very happy all the time
Track Name: Whole-Cut Zebra Cloth
Whole-cut zebra cloth
Whole-cut zebra cloth
I cut the fur off the zebra and I... fucked the zebra's corpse
And I'm eating whole-cut zebra cloth

Hey, so what's black and white and red all over? (A fetus)
A fetus
A fetus
Track Name: Wooden Tables
Wooden tables
Wooden tables
Wooden tables
Wooden tables

(I like to put things on wooden tables and it's really fine
I tell ya wooden tables are meshed up in my spine
There's something wrong with my back because
I put a wooden table inside my spine and now I'm messed up bad)

I have a wooden table, wooden table
Wooden table in my... house?

Once I saw a big fat bear he's sittin' on a couch
And he had a wooden table right next to him
That bear was drinkin' whiskey and he had a big... dick

Well I saw a bat one day, it was on a wooden table
And guess what?
It had a big dick

Oh wooden tables are the best, I tell ya, tell ya, tell ya
(Wooden tables, wooden tables, wooden tables)
Track Name: The Thing Outside My Door (Prolapsed Anus Part II)
The thing outside my door is not describable anymore
It's not the thing I saw there before
I don't know because my eyeballs caved in
The minute that I saw it
And I cannot (I can't) speak with regular human language
Now that my mouth has been replaced by
A vacuum cleaner-type appendage
Made of meat and various scaly appendages that I'd
Prefer not to... go into further details about it

(Well I stepped outside and I saw that thing
And my eyeballs melted away
And my nose got stiff and my lips got hard
And my tongue just fell out... WA-HEY!
And now you know that there's something there
That I can't really describe
But... my prolapsed anus...)

My prolapsed anus is there to be a guide
It flies ahead and warns me of the various things that I
Cannot see because my body is so clearly fucked up
By these circumstances that have befallen

(Thank you, prolapsed anus)
Thank you prolapsed anus (for bein') here?
Track Name: Edward III (Big Bird Dick)
I'll sing you the tale of Edward the Third who was a bird
(What kind of bird was he?)
A big bird similar to Big Bird from Sesame Street
Actually, it's just Big Bird
With a different name and a palette swap
(To be completely honest)

Big Bird, he's (big...)
Big Bird, he's a big
Big Bird, he's got a...
Big Bird, he's a...

Well I went down to Sesame Street
And I got fucked right off of my feet
By some puppets with cloth dicks
It was non-consensual

Well, Big Bird he was there
Rubbin' on his big ol' bird dick (you said it!)

Big Bird, he's a...
He's got a...
Big ol'...
Bird dick!
Track Name: Here Comes the Wind
Oooh, do you hear the wind?
Oooooh, do you hear the wind?
Oooooh, it's blowing... (out my butthole!)

Out my butthole comes the wind
Here it comes, it's really smelly
It stinks real bad, like garbage and eggs
It's really nasty, please stop farting
I don't like it, please stop farting (I'm so sorry)
In my face, I really don't like it (I'm so sorry)
I can't handle it any more, it's really annoying, it's really bad
Please don't.... please... stop...

Oh, here comes the wind...
Oh, here comes the wind again...
The wind!
Track Name: Donkey Kong
Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong, he's a Kong that's my very own
He's a Donkey Kong, he's the greatest of them all
I love Donkey Kong, he's got a big butt
Oh Donkey Kong
Oh Donkey Kong, take me away from this place

My name is Donkey Kong and I have the biggest dong
I love to have sex...!
I like to ride my bicycle all around the town
And I see you in your little tiny... car!
I climb towers with my big Donkey hands
And I love to...!

Oh, Donkey Kong, why oh why do you do that
You know it's against the law for apes to... (shh!)

I don't know why I do this, I have no self-control
I need to see a dentist, or a doctor, might as well
I... I'm insane in the brain
I'm actually a human being with all too much hair
I'm a... telegraphic... psychic... medium...
Able to control minds from large distances
Taking acid all the time
I love to...!

Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong
(Donkey Kong, why oh why do you do that)
Donkey Kong, why are you so... bad (insane)
Insensitive (I don't like you Donkey Kong)
Oh Donkey Kong, you're just a big ol' jerk
(I don't like you Donkey Kong, I don't like you Donkey Kong)
Havin' sex with those children, that's not right
No sir (I don't like you Donkey Kong... you're...)

Well I'm a cosmic god and I have all control
Over all magical powers in the universe
I control all beings
In fact, I could be said to be... a Monkey's Uncle...
A motherfucker
I've got your back
In a slammer
I'll kill you dead
With my giant Donkey Dong
You're under my mind control
You have no escape
Track Name: Animé
Animé, animé, animé, animé
It's great, it's great (I love animé, it's so great)
It's great
I love animé, it's great

If I had a harem I'd fuck 'em all
Fuck all pussy